I first became introduced to the science of
Influence in grad school, and then
as I started my career I became very attuned to how different people in
various levels of authority used their influence. As an HR professional
and later an Organizational Development (OD) consultant, my role was mostly 'advisory'- I wasn't
a true "authority figure". Although people really listened to and
respected what I had to say, I had to learn how to get buy-in from
various stakeholders to accomplish change. I found it an exciting and
rewarding challenge. But definitely a challenge.
At
that point in my life, I thought I had figured out some pretty good
influencing techniques and felt pretty confident and successful in my
ability to work with others. But then, enter the new career of
parenthood! Yikes. Lets just say I contemplate the idea of influence
hourly and
how little I still know about it. Though I am an "authority figure" in
the truest sense, yet I so often feel that my influencing skills are
quite lacking. You can only get so far by telling a toddler he "has to"
put his shoes on. And after asking 5 times while you're late again, any
amount of frustration detected by said toddler only adds fuel to the
fire of willfulness. While the toddler's maturity level and reasoning
power certainly has something to do with it, my own skills and ability
to influence can make a huge difference.
To borrow a
phrase from Oliver DeMille, I want to learn the skills to "inspire, not
require". I feel more motivated than ever to discern what those skills
are at both a spiritual and practical level. I want to be a better
influence for good in all my circles: as a child of God, a wife, a parent, a daughter, a
sister, a friend, a teacher, a neighbor, community member, church
member, board member, business owner etc.
As a missionary for the
LDS Church I became
intimately acquainted with the kind of influence that "inspires" rather
than "requires". The "influence" of the Holy Ghost is only way people
become truly converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He never uses force, but
persuasion. In some cases it warns, in other
cases it commands. It is often soft-spoken but can sometimes be loud
and clear when necessary. Always accompanied with love, and at times
"righteous anger", it does not give truth all at once, but line by line
as people are ready to receive it.
While my research will certainly include a thorough search of the scriptures for examples of God's influence in
our lives, I want to be clear that I feel there is a distinction between
the type of influence God, Christ and the Holy Ghost have on us, and
the type of influence humans have on each other. While we of course
aspire to emulate them, we are not deity and the relationships we have
with each other in families and other human relationships are distinctly
different in nature. We are not omniscient or omnipotent like God. Our
knowledge is very limited, therefore our judgments of others and our
own personal motives will rarely be pure and our approach needs to be
more humble. God has the confidence of knowing he is always right. We
cannot have that confidence yet. We need to be constantly willing to
admit the possibility of error and quick to recognize our own
shortcomings. I believe this kind of humility is a core influencing
skill as well.
A whole sub-category of this topic is
the issue of influence vs. manipulation. This goes back to that agency issue and is one of those areas I
seek more light on. God does not manipulate, though he could since He
has all power over us. But he gives top priority to our agency, knowing
he cannot achieve his purposes to teach us unless we "
taste the bitter, that [we] may know to prize the good."
In
talking with some friends about who has had the greatest influence on
them, another common thread is one of love and kindness. It reminds me of a
powerful quote I love:
“When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what
power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to
harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind.” - Joseph Smith
I
would love to hear any comments or ideas as I move forward in
understanding influence. Specifically, I am looking for help in :
-
ideas for individuals that I can create a case study for - biographies
of well-known influencers who might illustrate the idea of "influence by
being influenced"
- individuals who would be willing to be
interviewed (not necessarily well-known) but in both areas of authority
and non-authority but high influence.
